


They Say That Strangers Are Cold To The Core

by thecattydddy



Series: The Stranger Series [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Shitty Writing, Sleepy Cuddling, but what can you expect?, caliborn is an ass, dirk drawing porn, innuendos, stranger series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-17
Updated: 2014-01-17
Packaged: 2018-01-09 00:22:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1139233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecattydddy/pseuds/thecattydddy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk gets an unexpected call in the morning. Caliborn gets some unexpected porn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	They Say That Strangers Are Cold To The Core

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aprille](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Aprille).



> I'm sorry, but this came to me and so I just went with it.

Dirk blinked weakly as sunlight streamed in through the shades, his phone was ringing and he groaned, knowing exactly what idiot would call him this early in the morning. Picking it up and looking at screen, his assumptions were confirmed and he snapped it open with a furious, “ _What_?”

“Oh good,” the raspy voice on the other end replied, “You’re up.”

“I am now, douchebag,” Dirk grumbled. Jake murmured something and rolled over to face Dirk, blinking his eyes open.

“Dirk...?” he said, half-awake and confused.

“Go back to sleep, Baby,” Dirk moved the phone away from his mouth to talk to his boyfriend, “It’s that fucker who keeps asking for the porn. Don’t worry about it.” Jake nodded, slightly, and rolled back over, falling back into slumber.

“Who was that you were talking to just now?” Caliborn demanded, once Dirk had returned the phone to his ear. He moved, silently, grabbing his tablet and a pair of pants on the way out of the bedroom. Placing the phone between his ear and his shoulder, he pulled the pants on with one hand and stumbled into the kitchen, “Was it your bitch? Do you even have a bitch?”

“No. I do not have a bitch,” Dirk sighed, throwing together everything needed for a cup of coffee, “That’s not what you called for anyways. Just get on with it so I can go back to bed.”

“Not so fast, Strider! I want to know about this strange person you are calling _Babe_ ,” Caliborn stated. He said the last word with great contempt, as if any form of affection repulsed him.

“Why do you care? And for another thing, why do you insist I draw you this when you could enjoy my already made pre-porn and never have me involved or know in any way,” Dirk questioned, “I mean it’s kind of been my job for years so it’s not like you need to really to test me any longer.”

“Because I want to use this bitch in our game!” Caliborn stated, “Besides it’s not for the porn, dumbass! It’s about the fact I’m going to kill the president if you don’t do this!”

“You seriously want me to draw Jake?” Dirk raised an eyebrow.

“So she has a name!” Caliborn cried, “Pretty weird for a bitch, however.”

“I keep telling you I don’t have any bitches,” Dirk sighed, heavily.

“Don’t lie to me!” Caliborn warned, “Now! Draw your bitch in the most compromising situation imaginable and send me the results. If you fail to comply, I will assassinate the president!”

“Hold on lemme just go get some consensus, first,” Dirk wandered back towards the bedroom and cracked the door open a bit, “Jake?”

“Hmm?” came the muffled reply.

“Mind if I draw pictures of you and send them to this guy to save the president?”

“Go right ahead,” Jake affirmed.

“Sweet,” Dirk returned to the kitchen, poured some coffee and sat at the tabl where his tablet waited for him, “Let me tell you, you’re in for some treat, pal.”

“She’s a premium bitch, is she?” Caliborn laughed.

“Oh yeah. Premium has got nothing on this fine ass, lemme tell you,” Dirk worked on a piece, changing his pen colour to green for a few strokes and then to black.

“Stop gushing about your stupid romance and send me the goddamn picture!” Caliborn hissed.

“Alright, alright, jeez... Don’t get your knickers in a twist.” He put a few more finishing touches on the picture before attaching it to an email. He hit the send button, awaiting Caliborn’s reaction. There was a bit of clicking and then the line went silent.

“Who the fuck is this?” he demanded, eventually, “Where are the bitches?”

“You asked me to draw Jake in a compromising situation,” Dirk answered, “Is it because the dick seems too big? I assure you I have plenty of _first hand_ _experience_ in the proportion sizes.”

“Stop talking,” Caliborn hissed.

“So does this mean I win?” Dirk inquired. “I could draw some panties in there if not-”

“No. Shut up!” Caliborn shouted, “I am deleting this! Don’t contact me, again!”

“No problemo,” Dirk smirked, “Pleasure doing buisness with you.” The dial tone rang in his ear and he carried his phone and his tablet back to the room, setting them aside before climbing back into bed, resting his arm over his boyfriend’s hips.

“How’d it go?” Jake wondered, turning to look over his shoulder. Dirk placed a kiss on his forehead and chuckled.

“I think my drawing was fantastic. I have _zero_ idea what his problem is,” Dirk replied.

“You’ll have to show it to me, later,” Jake stated, sleepily.

“Or you could just show me,” Dirk returned. Jake snorted and closed his eyes, settling back into sleep.

“Yeah. Might just have to do that.”

The End.


End file.
